The Most Important Tip of All…
Published by Matt Glover August 16th, 2006 in Tips for Becoming a Pro
Tip 11:- Always remember family comes first.
I tend to be fairly driven. That is, when I want to get something done, I’ll put every effort into seeing it happen, becoming almost blind to what is happening around me.
Sometimes it is a good thing. Sometimes it leads to nothing but trouble.
In my early years as a cartoonist, I was working a full time job in industrial research and had just been married. I would come home at the end of the day, say hi to my wife, eat my dinner and then disappear into the study - hunching over the desk and computer until the small hours of the morning.
This was not a good way to build a healthy marriage.
I had become so engrossed in what I was trying to achieve that I sometimes forgot what was really important. Needless to say, the rocky times followed. Thankfully, after much soul searching I was able to get my marriage back on track and my priorities back in balance.
As I progressed through the stages of life and my freelance career grew, adjustments needed to be made. Perhaps the biggest adjustment arrived when our first child was born. I will never forget that moment - a life changing experience that is forever imprinted in my mind. Two years later it happened again and it was just as intense. As I type this, my wife and I have been married for ten years, our first boy is 3 and our second is 1. These three people are a constant source of love and joy for me. They are without doubt, the most important people in my world.
The life of a freelancer is not always family friendly, particularly in the early days when there is a ‘day job’ as well as the freelance work. When you’re trying to get work done on the kitchen table and one of your kids spills their milk all over a final draft, the mix of emotions running through your head can cause deep tension and hurt that will take time to heal. If the priorities are out of balance, children and partners become a source of frustration and resentment. To your family, the cartooning becomes the ’someone else’ that all too easily becomes a home wrecker.
I am determined to never let any ‘job’, whether it be a regular 9 to 5 gig or a freelance project worth thousands of dollars, have an ongoing, negative impact on my family. It is simply not worth it. Don’t let anyone EVER tell you that it is.
For some, what I am saying is all common sense. For others, it may be a wake-up call. Whatever the case, Chewing Pencils is here to help you earn some extra money for your home, but it is not here to destroy it. In my other job I work with families and young people, many of which are damaged and broken because of stupid decisions that were made in the past. Do not let drawing cartoons be the stupid decision that sends your family to a point of no return.
If Chewing Pencils helps you become a professional cartoonist/illustrator, but your family suffers because of it, then I have failed. That is why I view this as perhaps the most important post I will ever make on this blog. If nothing else, remember these things:
1. Involve your family
When I say family I mean your partner and children if you have any. It could also mean your parents and siblings too. But whoever it is, involve them in what you are doing. Share your thoughts, ideas and dreams with them. Show them what you are working on and let them know when it’s hard and frustrating. That way they can share the journey with you and support you as much as they can.
2. Protect family traditions
Don’t miss meal times because you have a drawing to finish. If your tradition is to eat together, then keep eating together. These times are important and need to be fostered. Celebrate birthdays, milestones and achievements. Keep your weekend and holiday traditions too. These are the things that memories are made of - not deadlines.
3. Set aside specific times for drawing
Don’t draw in every spare moment you get. For a healthy family life, you need to spend time alone with your partner, time together as a family, time playing with your kids, time with friends and time on your own doing something other than drawing! This means setting aside specific times for drawing - say two hours on a Monday and Thursday night and a maybe six hours on the weekend if you’re working at another job full-time. You adjust it depending on your circumstances.
This is equally important if you are single. Don’t become one of those pale, hermit types that never get out in the sunshine!
4. Be flexible
I mentioned above that I don’t want my drawing to have an ongoing negative impact on my family. However, if I involve them in what I am doing my family are willing to make some short-term sacrifices when significant deadlines approach. But when they do, it is essential that I make it up to them. This is part of being flexible and allows for the changing nature of the freelance work load.
5. Don’t take it out on your family
Sometimes clients are idiots. Whoever said ‘the customer is always right’ had rocks in their head. The customer or client is NOT always right, particularly when it comes to the business side of art. Sometimes they are, but often they’re not. This means high levels of tension, stress and frustration and it is very easy to take this out on your family. I currently have a client that has not paid me for six months now. I’m in the process of initiating debt collection and it’s making me tired and grumpy. But I’m doing my best to leave that frustration in the studio. It has nothing to do with my boys, so why should they wear the consequences of some other idiot’s actions?
Taking that sort of frustration out on the family is simply wrong. Share it with them, but don’t blame them. It is not their fault.
6. Make room for your family’s ambitions too
This is so easy to forget that it’s not funny! Your partner and kids might have something they really want to try. It might take a chunk of time out of the week and it might even cost some money. It might mean that you have to say ‘no’ to a project or two of your own. But make sure you always leave room for the ambitions of the others in your family. Your cartoon career is important, but no more important than your partners interest in conserving wildlife or your children’s interest in sport. In any healthy family there’s always plenty of give and take in both directions, so make sure you do your share of giving.
7. Review how you are going
Make it a priority to sit down with your partner, or your whole family if the kids are old enough, and take stock of how you are going. Have you been spending too much time drawing? Is it time to pull back on the day job a bit so you can spend more time freelancing? What has caused frustration? What has been really good?
Give everybody a chance to have a say. Pick a few things to work on. Set some goals and come back in another six months to see how things are going.
8. Celebrate the successes
When things go really well - say you finish a big project and the money arrives - CELEBRATE!!! Go out for dinner or see a movie or do something together as a family as a way of acknowledging that the time and effort has paid off. You can also use this as a way of saying thank you to your family for encouraging you to have a go at making your dream become a reality.
9. Keep your sense of humour
“Don’t take yourself too seriously.”
When I started as a Baptist minister (that’s my other job) this was one of the first pieces of advice I received. And it’s also one of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever received. Keeping a sense of humour has helped me keep a healthy perspective in areas that could have easily led to burnout.
I think the same advice is equally valid when it comes to freelancing. Give it your best effort, but always be ready to laugh when it comes to mistakes and disappointments. Your worth as a person doesn’t depend on you making bucket loads of money from drawing. Even if you never make a cent, you are a person built to love and be loved. Keeping your sense of humour can help you remember that through the ups and downs of freelancing.
10. Have the courage to walk away
May this never happen to you, but sometimes the impact on your family is bad and just keeps getting worse. If there’s no light at the end of the tunnel and your world seems to be falling apart, be willing to walk away from it and do something else for a while. There will always be pencils and paper that you can pick up down the track when things are better.
There is no shame in this. At the end of my life I would much rather say that I was a successful husband and father than a successful cartoonist.
If I can’t then I have failed.
26 Responses to “The Most Important Tip of All…”
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Every one of your points is a good one, but I think the best is #9 — keep your sense of humor. I’ve been a freelance writer for a few years, and keeping everything in perspective (all the rejections, endless re-writes, late paychecks, ditzy editors…) really helps me maintain my sanity on a day-to-day basis.
Great list here. This is true for any artist (and any freelance type of job). Often times when you are following your dreams you want to let your “real life” slide away. From the get-go we should include our family in our dreams and if we have to let go of something… our dreams often can wait a little longer.
Poignant points. I’ve seen that especially for men we have a tendency to put career over relationships, and logic over heart. I don’t know if it’s cultural or genetic, but I thank my girlfriends through the years for pulling my heart out of reason and into emotion, and make me realize the value of investing in a relationship with another human being.
Keeping a sense of humor is important, but I definately agree that family comes first. Great post!
As I was writing this, I wondered how much of it was coloured by being a male. No doubt many of them would apply equally to both genders, but I suspect some of them might come more naturally to the girls.
Thanks for you thoughts!
I am right now exactly where you have been… my babyboy will be born soon (2 weeks when everything goes as planned) and the live as an artist with family isn’t the easiest one. Thanks for this wonderfull article!
Best,
Chris
Best wishes with the birth Chris! I hope it all goes well…
It is all too eerily familiar to me the situations you have listed. I to am a freelance illustrator. What is most important hit home earlier this year when my wife sadly and tradegically passed away. Amongst all the hurt and greif, I had intense feelings of regret, for all the times I chose to work late into the evening ignoring the invitations from Meeghan to come and share a cup of coffee on the couch. I would give up illustrating with hesitation just to have her back. Family is most important. We sometimes feel obligated to put aside family to earn the money or meet a deadline to keep clients happy so as to maintain a steady influx of work. I too have two sons. Noah is four in January and Harry has just turned one. Now that I am a single father the challenge to maintain balance is even greater. I find the only time to work is at night. But should I take on too much or work too late too often, I’m often overtired and short on patience. Sadly the boys bear the brunt of my frustrations, usually consisting of a verbal tirade not equal to the alleged offence. Everyone should take note of what is written in this list becuase it is spot on. Unfortunately for me I realised it all after the fact.
Greg, I’m not sure what to say. Thanks for posting this. My thoughts and prayers are with you and the boys.
Greg - Sincerely, my thoughts are with you and your family. I’m deeply sorry.
Matt - Excellent post mate; I think you could safely say I fit into the “this will be a wake up call” category. Thankyou.
For anyone else looking for tips on being a freelancer, Megan Jeffery has just recently posted this one on here blog on the 17th anniversary of her being a freelancer. - some great tips there:
http://megillustrations.typepad.com/beetlegrass/2006/08/anniversary.html
beautiful
just flicking through the web an read this.you bring tears to my eyes the way you talk about your family. im sure your a terrific father. when the boys get older they will understand more of what has happened and they wont love you any less. dont be so hard on yourself
Hello Mr Matt Glover, nice to meet you. I stumbled across your site while surfing the forums in illustrationfriday.com. I must say i do really enjoy reading your useful tips and all. Tip 11 is the most heartwarming tip. Thank you. *thumb-up*
Thanks all, for the encouraging comments.
Hey, kids need to see parents be happy and productive too, otherwise they think life is all work and family and no time for themselves either, cuz that’s what they saw you do. My kids got plenty of my time, but as grown men, they are now are into languages, foreign culture, music, instruments, philosophy, animals, art, gardening, photography, crafts, sports … all stuff they saw me do and I got them involved and interested in (except sports, that they got by themselves!) The best way to encourage your kids to be creative, happy, and productive is to be so yourself and get them involved.
I can’t find any link to the newsletter mentioned. Can you send instructions or put me on the email? thanks.
Hi Padma,
Just having a few issues with the site at the moment - the newsletter link should be back up shortly.
GOOD DAY SIR , I AM A CARTOONIST IN GUYANA SOUTH AMERICA. I’VE READ YOUR
SUGGESTIONS AND CAN RELATE TO A LOT OF THEM.
HOEVER THERE ARE TIMES WHEN WORK GETS ROUTINE…I WANT TO REMAIN A CARTOONIST FOR LIFE BUT WHEN THINGS BEGIN TO SEEM ROUTINE I EXPERIENCE A
LOSS OF INTEREST, PASSION AND DRIVE. ANY SUGGESTIONS?
RESPECT
P.HARRIS
Thank you very much, all of you. This is an important voice for reality in a world where image seems to rule.
Dear Matt,
I came across your blog through the Cartoonists Club Of Great Britain website and have found your Top 10 posts to be highly informative, inspiring and honest. I have never been one for posting comments on forums and the like but after reading this post felt compelled towards the contrary, from the number of replies i can see I am not alone.
I myself am just getting started in freelancing, getting a decent portfolio together as well as carefully researching the industry, tax implications etc.. for which your site has now an become invaluable resource, but I am also a husband (three years yesterday, 20th) and due to become a father in April next year. I’ve always sworn from the beginning that my wife and future family will always come first, however I can appreciate how easy it could be to become wrapped up in the pursuit of the next big job and allow greed to take over, thus losing focus on what is REALLY important in life, so reading this post has been like having a visit from the ghost of christmas yet to come (If you get my meaning), suffice to say your final tip has been invaluable and for that I can’t thank you enough.
God bless you and all the best,
Hurc